Here are some extra things to keep in mind in relation to your child’s behaviour:
- Let your child try. Your child can manage his feelings with some independence. If upset, he might go to another room to calm down, or he might try negotiating to resolve a conflict. Try to avoid jumping in to solve your child’s problem every time – give him the chance to solve it first.
- Solve problems together. Your child is now at an age where you can try to resolve conflicts together. So instead of automatically saying, ‘Go to your room!’, you can discuss what behaviour you both want. You might be able to come up with a win-win solution, and your child will probably buy into the solution because she helped work it out. For example, you might say, ‘When we eat dinner, I want you to sit in your chair for 15 minutes so we can talk. What do you want to do?’ She might want to leave the table and play instead. You can decide together that she can sit for 15 minutes then go to play. Once you come up with an agreement, stick to it.
- Show your child how you feel . If you can tell him honestly how his behaviour affects you, he’ll recognise his own emotions in yours, like a mirror. Then he’ll be able to feel for you. For example, you might say, ‘When there’s so much noise, I can’t talk on the phone’. When you start the sentence with ‘I’, it gives your child the chance to change things for your sake.
- Develop her listening skills. It still helps to get down to speak on your child’s level if you’re saying something really important. To check whether she’s listening, ask her to repeat what you said.
- Agree in advance on consequences . Your child can help set consequences for undesirable behaviour or, at least, agree to what you set. It’s amazing how much easier it is when children know what to expect because they’ve already agreed on it. Sometimes you won’t have to set a consequence at all. Let your child experience the natural consequences of his own behaviour, like feeling a bit cold for refusing to put on his coat. This will help him begin to develop responsibility.
- School-age children might experiment with behaviour like swearing. If swearing isn’t OK in your family, speak to your child about his choice of words, rather than ignoring her behaviour. Your child might or might not fully understand a swear word’s meaning. But school-age children do understand that words can hurt or offend others.
- Lying is part of a school-age child’s development – but so is telling the truth. Be positive, and emphasise the importance of honesty in your family.
- Pestering can drive you crazy, so it helps to have a plan for when your child pesters. You can start by letting your child know you won’t consider what he’s asking for until you hear some good manners.
