Tips for school-age behaviour

Here are some extra things to keep in mind in relation to your child’s behaviour:

• Let your child try. Your child can manage his feelings with some independence. If upset, he might go to another room to calm down, or he might try negotiating to resolve a conflict. Try to avoid jumping in to solve your child’s problem every time – give him the chance to solve it first.
• Solve problems together. Your child is now at an age where you can try to resolve conflicts together. So instead of automatically saying, ‘Go to your room!’, you can discuss what behaviour you both want. You might be able to come up with a win-win solution, and your child will probably buy into the solution because she helped work it out. For example, you might say, ‘When we eat dinner, I want you to sit in your chair for 15 minutes so we can talk. What do you want to do?’ She might want to leave the table and play instead. You can decide together that she can sit for 15 minutes then go to play. Once you come up with an agreement, stick to it.
• Show your child how you feel . If you can tell him honestly how his behaviour affects you, he’ll recognise his own emotions in yours, like a mirror. Then he’ll be able to feel for you. For example, you might say, ‘When there’s so much noise, I can’t talk on the phone’. When you start the sentence with ‘I’, it gives your child the chance to change things for your sake.
• Develop her listening skills. It still helps to get down to speak on your child’s level if you’re saying something really important. To check whether she’s listening, ask her to repeat what you said.
• Agree in advance on consequences . Your child can help set consequences for undesirable behaviour or, at least, agree to what you set. It’s amazing how much easier it is when children know what to expect because they’ve already agreed on it. Sometimes you won’t have to set a consequence at all. Let your child experience the natural consequences of his own behaviour, like feeling a bit cold for refusing to put on his coat. This will help him begin to develop responsibility.
• School-age children might experiment with behaviour like swearing. If swearing isn’t OK in your family, speak to your child about his choice of words, rather than ignoring her behaviour. Your child might or might not fully understand a swear word’s meaning. But school-age children do understand that words can hurt or offend others.
• Lying is part of a school-age child’s development – but so is telling the truth. Be positive, and emphasise the importance of honesty in your family.
• Pestering can drive you crazy, so it helps to have a plan for when your child pesters. You can start by letting your child know you won’t consider what he’s asking for until you hear some good manners.

Brain connections strengthen as kids sleep, study suggests

As young children sleep, the connections between the right and left sides of their brains strengthen, according to a small new study.

Researchers measured the brain activity of eight children while they slept at ages 2, 3 and 5 years. They found that connections in the brain generally became stronger during sleep as the children aged.

The strength of the connections between the left and right sides of the brain increase as much as 20 percent over a night's sleep, according to the study, which was published online Nov. 12 in the journal Brain Sciences.

"There are strong indications that sleep and brain maturation are closely related, but at this time, it is not known how sleep leads to changes in brain structure," study leader Salome Kurth, a postdoctoral researcher at the University of Colorado, Boulder, said in a university news release.

How sleep disruption during childhood may affect brain development and behavior will be examined in future studies.

"I believe inadequate sleep in childhood may affect the maturation of the brain related to the emergence of developmental or mood disorders," Kurth said.

It was already known that the brain changes drastically during early childhood. New connections are formed, others disappear and a fatty layer called "myelin" forms around nerve fibers in the brain. The growth of myelin strengthens the connections by speeding up the transfer of information, according to background information included in the news release.

Maturation of nerve fibers improves children's skills in areas such as language, attention and impulse control. But it hasn't been clear what role sleep plays in the development of such brain connections.

from: http://www.babycenter.com/204_brain-connections-strengthen-as-kids-sleep-study-suggests_10388930.bc

Encouraging good behaviour: 15 tips

Try these tips to encourage the behaviour you want in your child.

1. Children do as you do. Your child watches you to get clues on how to behave in the world. You’re her role model, so use your own behaviour to guide her. What you do is often much more important than what you say. If you want your child to say ‘please’, say it yourself. If you don’t want your child to raise her voice, speak quietly and gently yourself.
    
2. Show your child how you feel. Tell him honestly how his behaviour affects you. This will help him see his her own feelings in yours, like a mirror. This is called empathy. By the age of three, children can show real empathy. So you might say, ‘I’m getting upset because there is so much noise I can’t talk on the phone’. When you start the sentence with ‘I’, it gives your child the chance to see things from your perspective.
    
3. Catch her being ‘good’. This simply means that when your child is behaving in a way you like, you can give her some positive feedback. For example, ‘Wow, you are playing so nicely. I really like the way you are keeping all the blocks on the table’. This works better than waiting for the blocks to come crashing to the floor before you take notice and bark, ‘Hey, stop that’. This positive feedback is sometimes called ‘descriptive praise’. Try to say six positive comments (praise and encouragement) for every negative comment (criticisms and reprimands). The 6-1 ratio keeps things in balance. Remember that if children have a choice only between no attention or negative attention, they will seek out negative attention.
    
4. Get down to your child’s level. Kneeling or squatting down next to children is a very powerful tool for communicating positively with them. Getting close allows you to tune in to what they might be feeling or thinking. It also helps them focus on what you are saying or asking for. If you are close to your child and have his attention, there is no need to make him look at you.
    
5. ‘I hear you.’ Active listening is another tool for helping young children cope with their emotions. They tend to get frustrated a lot, especially if they can’t express themselves well enough verbally. When you repeat back to them what you think they might be feeling, it helps to relieve some of their tension. It also makes them feel respected and comforted. It can diffuse many potential temper tantrums.
    
6. Keep promises.  Stick to agreements. When you follow through on your promises, good or bad, your child learns to trust and respect you. So when you promise to go for a walk after she picks up her toys, make sure you have your walking shoes handy. When you say you will leave the library if she doesn’t stop running around, be prepared to leave straight away. No need to make a fuss about it – the more matter of fact, the better. This helps your child feel more secure, because it creates a consistent and predictable environment.  
    
7. Reduce temptation. Your glasses look like so much fun to play with – it’s hard for children to remember not to touch.  Reduce the chance for innocent but costly exploration by keeping that stuff out of sight.  
    
8. Choose your battles . Before you get involved in anything your child is doing – especially to say ‘no’ or ‘stop’ – ask yourself if it really matters. By keeping instructions, requests and negative feedback to a minimum, you create less opportunity for conflict and bad feelings. Rules are important, but use them only when it’s really important.
    
9. Whining: be strong. Kids don’t want to be annoying. By giving in when they’re whinging for something, we train them to do it more – even if we don’t mean to. ‘No’ means ‘no’, not maybe, so don’t say it unless you mean it. If you say ‘no’ and then give in, children will be whine even more the next time, hoping to get lucky again.
    
10. Keep it simple and positive . If you can give clear instructions in simple terms, your child will know what is expected of him. (‘Please hold my hand when we cross the road.’) Stating things in a positive way gets their heads thinking in the right direction. For example, ‘Please shut the gate’ is better than ‘Don't leave the gate open’.
     
11. Responsibility and consequences . As children get older, you can give them more responsibility for their own behaviour. You can also give them the chance to experience the natural consequences of that behaviour. You don’t have to be the bad guy all the time. For example, if your child forgot to put her lunch box in her bag, she will go hungry at lunch time. It is her hunger and her consequence. It won’t hurt her to go hungry just that one time. Sometimes, with the best intentions, we do so much for our children that we don’t allow them to learn for themselves. At other times you need to provide consequences for unacceptable or dangerous behaviour. For these times, it is best to ensure that you have explained the consequences and that your children have agreed to them in advance.
     
12. Say it once and move on. It is surprising how much your child is listening even though he might not have the social maturity to tell you. Nagging and criticising is boring for you and doesn’t work. Your child will just end up tuning you out and wonder why you get more upset. If you want to give him one last chance to cooperate, remind him of the consequences for not cooperating. Then start counting to three.
     
13. Make your child feel important. Children love it when they can contribute to the family. Start introducing some simple chores or things that she can do to play her own important part in helping the household. This will make her feel important and she’ll take pride in helping out. If you can give your child lots of practice doing a chore, she will get better at it and will keep trying harder. Safe chores help children feel responsible, build their self-esteem and help you out too.
     
14. Prepare for challenging situations. There are times when looking after your child and doing things you need to do will be tricky. If you think about these challenging situations in advance, you can plan around your child’s needs. Give him a five-minute warning before you need him to change activities. Talk to him about why you need his cooperation. Then he is prepared for what you expect.
     
15. Maintain a sense of humour. Another way of diffusing tension and possible conflict is to use humour and fun. You can pretend to become the menacing tickle monster or make animal noises. But humour at your child’s expense won't help. Young children are easily hurt by parental ‘teasing’. Humour that has you both laughing is great.

from:http://raisingchildren.net.au/articles/encouraging_good_behaviour.html/context/262

Better Sleep for Baby –- and You

Kara Cantrell knew she was in trouble by the second night after her son was born. "He screamed through the night," remembers the 41-year-old actor from Atlanta. "I'd had a 4-day labor and C-section and was just a mess. And there was this screaming creature and I didn't know what to do."

A couple months later, things weren't much better. Just when her son seemed to be settling into a sleep pattern, he'd switch things up. "Suddenly he'd get up six times a night, or he'd sleep miraculously for 10 hours," Cantrell says.

About the only thing parents can predict about their newborn's sleep cycles is that they'll be unpredictable. "When babies are first born they're all over the place," says Jodi Mindell, PhD, associate director of the Sleep Center at the Children's Hospital of Philadelphia and author of Sleeping Through the Night: How Infants, Toddlers, and Their Parents Can Get a Good Night's Sleep. Hunger -- or a lack of it -- usually determines when a newborn sleeps and wakes. By around 3 months, babies start making the hormone melatonin, which puts their sleep cycle into a more regular rhythm.

Helping Your Baby Sleep Independently

Every baby's sleep needs are different. Newborns can sleep 10 to 18 hours a day. From 4 months to about 1 year of age, they'll sleep 9 to 12 hours at night, with a couple added naps during the day. But remember, most babies will sleep only about 5 to 6 hours at a time to start. Still, even a 5-hour interval will give you some rest.

After your baby is about 4 months old, running into the nursery at every whimper can set a pattern that's hard to break.

"You really want to start having your child fall asleep independently so that they're not dependent on rocking, nursing, going in the stroller," Mindell advises. "Then when they wake up in the middle of the night, they can fall asleep on their own."

Baby Sleep Secrets

Wrapping your baby in a blanket can help him feel secure enough to drift off to sleep. When you swaddle, make sure your baby's legs can bend at the hips, to avoid hip problems later. Also, make sure you only swaddle when you're awake and watching him. If your baby is alone in the crib, no blankets should be on or around him (you want to lower the risk of SIDS).

Expert Tip

"Unless you plan on having a family bed indefinitely, don't co-sleep with your baby, thinking you'll transition them to their own crib at some point in the future." -- Sara DuMond, MD

From: http://www.webmd.com/parenting/features/baby-snooze-clues